Boozy Pulled Beef Burgers

I just bought some still cider to marinate some ribs in. But then I decided to hell with that, the ribs can marinate themselves, I will marinate myself with the cider.

But then I noticed something. The back of the bottle detailed the recommended daily alcohol intake for a man. 3-4 units. Whats that then, 3 to 4 bottles of wine? A pint of vodka maybe? My eye was drawn to the right of this information; a small picture of a bottle with a 3 in it. The bottle of cider I was holding contained 3 units of alcohol.

So basically I could drink that bottle of cider, not even a pint, and according to government scientists, that’s would be it. No more. Risk of death or liver damage or some horrendous mental breakdown would follow if I cracked open another.

Well come off it. They don’t make bottles of cider on the presumption that you are going to buy four in a pack and then drink one. There is a disconnect between what we see and what we are told. Maybe its the Scientologists trying to mess with our minds. Or maybe its the people who run the country being as stupid as we hope they aren’t.

Anywho this caused a small flurry of debate. Secretly everyone is sloshed. The wife pointed out a friend who posted a picture of a gin and tonic cupcake. A new government survey claims that everyone who is over 40 drinks 3 bottles of wine a day and will be dead by the time they retire. So good, that means in 20 year time we won’t have to worry about an ageing population.

It won’t be a problem for me though. I incorporate alcohol into many recipes. Its helping me develop a super-enhanced tolerance which will actually prolong my lifespan.

Here’s a classic example. These Pulled Beef Burgers contain Guinness, red wine and Jack Daniels. But fear not, the alcohol boils off so its absolutely not a problem to stick four, i mean one, bottle of cider down your neck while you stuff them.

To create Pulled Beef Burgers you will need:

• 2 beef cheeks or other stewing steak
• knob butter
• 2 tbsp flour
• salt
• 2 cloves garlic
• 2 sticks celery
• bacon lardons
• 1 onion
• 1 parsnip
• 2 carrots
• 2 bay leaves
• 1 mild dried chilli
• 1 pint beef stock
• 1 pint Guiness
• 1 glass red wine

• 1 bottle Jack Daniels BBQ Sauce
• salsa
• buns

Begin by browning the beef cheeks in a little butter in a Dutch oven.

Set the meat to one side and then add the bacon to the pan. Let the bacon cook for a few minutes to release the fat. Then add the flour, chopped vegetables and whole chilli and cook, stirring to make sure everything gets a coating of gunk from the bottom.

Put the beef on top of the veg and pour on the Guinness.

Next the stock and red wine.

Lastly add the bay leaves.

Pop in the oven at 140 centigrade for 3 hours.

Remove the meat from the pan and place in a metal dish (you can use the liquid for stock and whatnot).

With two forks pull the meat apart. It will fall apart really.

Pour on the BBQ sauce and stir it in.

Put the dish back in the oven for a few minutes to warm everything through.

You can serve this in the classic burger tradition, with melted cheese and tomato and lettuce:

Or straight up, with a salsa on the side.