A Miserable Fishmonger, Where I Found a New Taste Sensation

So near where I work is one of the few remaining fishmongers south of London (at least it’s the only one I can think of). But in the 12 years I have frequented the area I had never stepped inside. The wife, being that rare breed (a pescetarian), this week asked for, no demanded, a fish creation.

So, sick of salmon from Tesco, and prawns from Sainsbury’s, I dragged my sorry arse out of the office and set off, with high hopes, to the nearby fishmongers.

The window was stuffed with gigantic prawns that looked like lobsters, and lobsters that looked like…well whatever the next size up from a lobster is. Large slabs of cod and what looked like a whole side of tuna (although it was shrinked wrapped).

So I gamboled in and…

Fragrant Crispy Pork Belly with Parsnip Puree

My wife showed me some pictures my youngest sister posted on Facebook last night. She and her husband (check that; her husband – my youngest sister is married. How old am I?) treated themselves to a trip to The Fat Duck, home of the food wizard-cum-scientist Heston Blooming-utter-nutter-thal or whatever his name is.

She noted that the menu took about three hours to get through, which it should do given it’s £200-a-head. The pictures of the food items looked very familiar – and they are to many foodies of course because you see them on TV – whisky jellies, snail porridge (which looked alarmingly green – I mean like fluorescent green), various foams, foggy mist-like creations and so on.

Heston Blumenthal is an interesting character – well known over here in Blightly; elsewhere I don’t know. He is the antithesis of the better known Gordon Ramsay. Where ‘G’ is a shouty, sweary cartoon-like creation, Hessie is more menacing – shaven-headed, thick rimmed spectacles, piercing stare.

But my personal preference in the celebrity cook stakes is Tom Kerridge. A man mountain, Kerridge cooks things that I can relate to – food you can find in a gastropub. Things like bacon joints braised in maple syrup, carrots cooked in loads of salt, butter and sugar…you get the idea.

But just because it’s food that you understand, and looks like something you recognise, doesn’t make it any easier to cook. Oh no. Try pork belly.

The Injustice of Modern Life

10 years. I’ve been driving for 10 years along the same bloody road to the same bloody office and back again. And in all that time I’ve never once, not once, complained about the arse-wipe thought police that see the solution to traffic congestion as being to make things even more difficult for the motorist.

I can imagine traffic planning meetings as being like something from the crisis meeting room in that Dr. Strangelove film with Peter Sellers….

It’s happened – I’ve gone mad with power!!!

‘Right ladies and gentlemen, the traffic situation is becoming worse. Too many people trying to get to work and go shopping. SOMETHING HAS TO BE DONE!’

(Silence).

Nutella Cheesecake with Ferrero Rocher

 

This is the perfect answer to those family gathering event type things where you want to take something along but know not what.  This is a no-bake, no-fuss, no-messing cheesecake, made with that most wholesome of breakfast ingredients;  Nutella.

Now, you might think Nutella is just a gooey mess of chocolate and nuts. But according to the marketing it’s a healthy breakfast ingredient. Come on people, its chocolate.

And also I might be over-egging the no-mess, no-fuss line. It is messy – making things with chocolate always is. And you have to wait 24 hours before you can mash it into your face. But it’s all worth it!