Roasted Vegetable Pastry Slice

I’ve always been fascinated by the human condition. What’s that supposed to mean, I hear you ask. Well rather than explain myself with some psychobabble (I could do that you know. I could write a load of pompous twaddle which you might or might not agree with) I shall give you a real-life example.

Driving.

Now for some reason people act entirely differently when driving a car, compared to, say, sitting on the toilet. Not a great comparison but it’s all I can think of. A (female) psychiatrist wrote this was because a car represents one of the last few remaining expressions of territoriality, where the individual feels cocooned and protected from the outside world. It’s like a metal womb on wheels. And it needs to be defended at all costs from the marauding enemy (that is, everyone else on the road; especially cyclists).

Which might go some way to explaining why I can’t behave myself in my car. Only the other day I had the following experience:

‘No, I will not pull over Mr Crappy-2.0-litre-BMW-X1-shite-mobile, just because you want to get in front of me. What I will do is accelerate away from you every time you get near my bumper and then slow down again so you can catch me up.

Then, once you start tailgating me again I will accelerate away from you again and leave you standing, because you don’t have the power to keep up. You tosser. And I will repeat this all the way to the M3. You arse-gap.  Then I will stay in the middle lane whilst you zoom passed me only to move into the middle lane to and stay there. Prick.

Anyway the connection between this diatribe on the foibles of modern man and Roasted Vegetable Pastry Slice are spurious to say the least. Actually there is no connection at all, I just felt like venting spleen.

Wendy Burgers – When Meat and Math(s) Collide

You can’t get Wendy Burgers in the UK. ‘OMG!’ I hear you yell at your PC/Laptop/Mobile Device. No Wendy Burgers. No square burgerage.

I’ve always been intrigued as to why Wendy Burgers are square. Something to do with the production process. Maybe it’s because the way they cook means more succulence.

Or is it because cheese slices are square? But that doesn’t make sense; the burger baps are as round in a Wendy Burger as they are from a MacDonald’s.

I needed answers. Straight to wikipedia; the ultimate repository of useless information. Wendy’s was created by Dave Thomas in 1969. And the reason for the geometrically-even burger shape? Because he ate one somewhere else and liked it.

Heatwave! Time for Herby Coconut Rice with Mango Plus Lots of Flesh

We have a heat wave coming this weekend in sunny Blighty. The Met Office recommends staying indoors (to avoid the sun), turning off non-essential electrical items (they generate heat) and closing the curtains.

What is causing this response (which sounds more like ‘what to do in the event of a nuclear holocaust’)? Temperatures of 30 centigrade (86 fahrenheit). I mean it’s not exactly catastrophic levels is it?

I remember we took the kids to the south of France one year. As we got off the plane we were blasted by a wave of heat. The youngest turned to me and said ‘Dad, is that the engine?’ to which I replied ‘No son, that’s just hot’. We sweltered for four days. Could hardly move it was so hot.

So with that experience in mind I may well say ‘balls to the ‘Elf & Safety’ brigade and ‘chuck another prawn on the barbie’. With some rice.